Real eyes, real lies, realise.

I really don't know what to do

Fri, 08 Oct 2010 03:44:51 -0400

I’m on the brink of hesitation, wanting to talk to you but not wanting to feel clingy and “obsessive”. I guess I’ll just wait for you to talk to me first.. hm.

Too late now, you're off to sleep.

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 09:07:38 -0400

DANGNABBIT! :(

Am I supposed to fit your "requirements"?

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 08:58:59 -0400

Or will it be like how you told me? You’re perfect just the way you are, you’re beautiful, don’t change. Hmm, interesting..

Will changing myself make you like me again? Because if that’s the case then I will do whatever. I think that you’re the only one who could actually comfort me right now. If I told you about my life, how would you react? Oh god. Thinking about you, hurts my head. I have so many questions to ask you but being the hesitant person that I am, I guess I’ll never have the guts to actually question you.

Trying to decide whether to message you or not is driving me insane. Should I do it? Should I not? I’m scared of your reply. If it’s blunt, I know I’ve done something wrong. But what if it’s not? OH MY GOD, BRAIN SHUT THE HELL UP. Stop making me think of stupid scenarios, please. Eh, I don’t even know.

I guess all I could do is post things hoping that you’d see them. I hope you had a good day xo

How do you expect me to keep going on like this?

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 08:52:05 -0400

The way you make me feel

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 08:41:19 -0400

It’s somewhat.. indescribable. I don’t know how to explain it but, you make me complete. Talking to you actually makes my day a whole lot better. Do you read my posts? Do you know that the person mentioned is you? Do you even understand how I feel? I’m sitting here waiting for you to talk to me. It’s killing me, really. It hurts to the point where my heart actually physically hurts. Damn, how movie-like does that sound..

I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry for pushing you away. It was for the best. I don’t want you mumblejumbled up in my “life”. I didn’t want you to get involved in my personal issues. I felt like if I told you some of the things, you’d lose feelings for me, so I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Now, I don’t even know what’s happening, great. WONDER-FUCKING-FUL. I’m so stupid. Why did I do that?

This feels like living and dying at the same time, how is it possible? Do you really think that I could continue life without you? Without you baby, I feel incomplete. Everything reminds me of you, EVERYTHING. It’s like we were meant to be. But the thought always triggers my mind.. If we were meant to be, we wouldn’t have had this fight right? Wait, what am I saying, it’s not a fight. When I wake up, it’ll all be over, yes? Fingers crossed. It also makes me think though. Is this obstacle a test? A test to see if you’d actually climb over that wall around my heart, let go of your stupid ego, and just work things out? Is it something that you’d do?

And so the what if’s wander around in my head. Sleep? Nah, I’ll just have another cup of coffee.